All 22 Bond movies came out on Blu Ray the other day. During my last visit to Best Buy I gave into the temptation and bought the box set. Growing up, I was all about absorbing every Bond movie I could get my hands on. My young and naïve self would fantasize about what it would be like if I were in Bond’s shoes. What kid wouldn’t want to fly around the world armed to the teeth with high tech gadgetry? I’ve spent the last week chipping away at the hours upon hours of Bond goodness, but I’ve come to the realization that Bond is the last person in the world I’d want to be. Here’s why:
5. I’d be afraid to drive my car.
If you tell me that several buttons on the dashboard fire rockets out of the front of my car, I’m not getting in it.
4. I don’t think I’d be able to come up with witty observations about the about the casualties of international espionage.
I don’t know how Bond does it. Now granted, his job description involves killing henchmen of all types, but if I see a guy fall into a giant snow blower, the last phrase that comes to mind is “he had a lot of guts.” I bet Bond stays up all night come up with new quips to add to his rotation. Nobody’s that witty.
3. I’m a firm supporter of gun control.
“Okay Bond. You’ve been reissued your standard PPK, but we’ve spent the last few months working on ways to build upon your arsenal. Your shoes each contain seven 45 cal. rounds. Tap your heels together to fire. Your belt contains several poison darts. Once removed, squeeze the buckle to release the darts. Oh, and your pants fold up into a machine gun.”
2. I’d definitely hurt myself with one or more of my gadgets.
So I’ve got a pen, a lighter, two cufflinks… they’re all grenades, and this grenade is actually a cell phone? If feel like there’s an easier way to do this Q.
1. I’d rather not wear a suit.
You got me running around the world, chasing evil geniuses, henchmen of all shapes and sizes, getting shot, stabbed, and bruised, and I have to wear this suit the whole time!? I’ll be wearing my lucky sweatpants thank you very much.